Married and Bisexual? Happily Ever After with Polyamory

Here is an article of interest to many married bisexual women.
The trend of polyamory that has been surfacing in the last thirty years is not a new idea. Stemming from the Greek word poly meaning "several" or "many", and the Latin word amor meaning "love", polyamory plays with the idea that you should be able to love more than one person at once without the feelings of guilt or betrayal.

It is often thought of as an ethical way of having multiple partners in a relationship, with everyone being completely aware of the people involved.
Everyone has had a crush in some point in their lives, while with a partner. This doesn't mean you love the person you're with any less, and is a completely human reaction. As everyone knows, it happens all the time, and maybe we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves when it does.

Polyamory starts with self-honesty

The growing masses of Americans becoming interested in polyamory are not only a sign of changing times about the thought of relationships in this country, but also an evolution to relationships in general. Be honest with yourself about what you can maintain in a relationship. With ever growing numbers of divorces due to infidelity, polyamory is a wonderful outlet to those people in relationships where monogamy is just not an option.

As humans, we are always going to follow our biological needs and wants, which can sometimes include people who are not our partners. Polyamory is a healthy way to make sure that we stay happy and fulfilled, while keeping our partners cued into our wants and needs.

Polyamory is largely based on the thoughts of ethics, loyalty, and honesty. This form of relationship works best for those who are able to be completely honest with the people they are dating or are married to, and can be a very healthy way to communicate wants and needs to another person that you love. Many polyamorous relationships require sets of rules when first established, so that everyone involved knows exactly what is expected and wanted from them.
When first starting a polygamous-type relationship, you have to be upfront with what will make you happy. Be sure that you are able to be open to the idea of sharing your partner with another person, and that your partner is completely comfortable in knowing that you will be seeing other people in a romantic manor.
Though you might be open to dating other people, your partner might have adverse notions to this. You need to make sure that you have a conversation with your partner with open ears, and an open mind to thoughts and questions that your partner might have for you.

Open Communication

Polyamory requires a massive amount of communication between partners. Unlike swinging or open relationships, polyamory deals with the thought that you are able to love more than one person at once, rather than trying to make the relationships solely sexually based.
Most polyamorous relationships start off with a couple, searching singularly for a secondary relationship. The starting couples, usually called the "primary relationship," are able in most cases to have their own "secondary" relationships.

These "secondary" relationships may, or may not, be tied into the "primary relationship." Couples have many different ways to deal with the dynamics that spawn from the occurring feelings from these relationships.
Open communication is important in a polyamorous relationship not only for keeping happy and healthy thought processes about the feelings resounding in the relationships; but also due to health reasons. If you are planning on being sexually active with another partner in a polyamorous relationship, openly confirm that everyone involved knows rules about protocol including sexual barriers and consent. Should you ask your partner before having sex with someone else? Should you be using condoms? How much contact do you want your primary partner to have with your secondary partner? Should you not speak about intimate contact, or it is an open forum? These are all things to keep in mind before starting a polyamorous relationship.

Finding a Secondary That Works for you

When interviewing friends of mine on how their polyamorous relationships are set up, many of them had guidelines on picking secondary partners that were shown to produce long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. The majority agreed the person being sought after should have experience in being in a polyamorous relationship, or already be in one. This shows that the person is able to deal with this type of relationship without the outcrops of jealousy, envy, or cattiness that can become a problem, and tear apart these kinds of arrangements.
Over half interviewed also agreed that it's important to be able to sit down and have a talk with everyone involved, so that you all know exactly what's expected of the each person in the relationship. To have your primary meet your secondary, and have them be on cordial terms, is a great way to get started with instilling trust. If you know that your partners are able to communicate effectively, they will be able to tell each other if they have issues with the way that the relationship is going. This does a great deal of reducing stress when everyone is able to talk to each other in an unfiltered setting.
Other methods of trying to find a secondary partner may work for you might include things like: a check list of traits that you think are important in a partner, meeting with your secondary's partners, and being sure to find references on the people you're interested in opening up your relationship to.
If the person has been in a polyamorous relationship in the past, ask them why their relationship ended. It might be a good indication on how well they are at communicating and making a relationship last in general.

Developing emotional maturation

As in any type of relationship, polyamory takes constant work and conversation to keep the relationship healthy. The longer you are with a person, the easier it is to know what to expect from them. You're able to facilitate talks to be able to allow your partners to speak their minds, and tell you what's bothering them. This also allows you to be able to share the good times with more than one person. A sign of a healthy polyamorous relationship includes the ability to feel happy for your partner's triumphs and be therewith support for them when they have small setbacks.

Many relationships speak of a feeling of strength gained from being in a polyamorous relationship. Not only does it teach you to be able to let go of things like jealousy and envy, but teaches us to be happy for our partners when we see that they are happy with someone else. Polyamory is a great tool for developing the tools to be self sufficient, independent, and self healing. It is a fabulous way to gain self esteem and worth with the fact that you know that you are capable of having healthy and happy relationships, along with being able to talk through your issues with people in a coherent and productive way.
Some common issues that polyamorous couples have deal with jealousy, not knowing exactly what you want, not being able to communicate your feelings, or trying to find a "unicorn" relationship. "Unicorns" are a popular term for polyamorous couples who want to find one person to complement their already existing relationship. Three person relationships called "triads" are generally a very difficult thing to find in society, as there always seems to be one person left out of the equation. In this situation, one person is always going to be left out as a "third wheel." These "unicorn" type situations are generally thought of like the unicorns of myth and legend: beautiful to imagine, impossible to find, and fleeting in life.

Lasting Commitments

From the happy couples I interviewed (six of whom are married); each has been together for over five years. Keys to a happy polyamorous relationship seem to be easy in theory; constant communication, conversations about wants and needs, not being afraid to tell someone your feelings, and not trying to push your partner into situations where they don't feel safe or comfortable. Polyamory is a great way to exercise your ability to hold a lasting, healthy relationship. I would advise it to anyone trying to figure out if they are ready for a long-lasting marriage or starting a family.

Polyamory is a way to heighten your own sense of emotional responsibility. Taking someone's trust, and earning it, is a great way to make your own relationship much stronger. Being able to prove to a partner that you are able to hold a second relationship, while still holding your primary relationship close to your heart; feels amazing when it's done properly. Knowing that your partners trust you implicitly, and will tell you what's on their mind, is a great feeling to have in any relationship.