The Bi-Curious Girl’s Guide To Strip Clubs

So you think you might be bi, but your ad to try it out has only been responded to by guys. Guys, you are great, don’t get us wrong! You’re tasty and different, and by golly, that thing is fun to play with. *sigh*… Aherm! But all that still leaves a Bi-Curious girl still curious! I would like to introduce you to something that satisfied my curiosity: the strip club!

Strip clubs cater to men though, and that combined with the unknown (a nasty essential to curiosity) makes the prospect of going to one downright frightening! It has been my experience, however, that there is absolutely nothing to fear. Please let me ease your fears too by letting you in on what I have learned about going to the club and what to do when you get there. Dancers and club owners love seeing lady customers! They may advertise for men, but they really do a better job at catering to us. Sorry guys. We still love you, we really do!

Speaking of our love for men, someone once voiced a fear to me that she didn’t want to have her boyfriend take her to a strip club because she didn’t want him thinking about another woman. Why not? You are. No matter what your sexual persuasion, you think about other people sexually. You do. He does. She does. The he and she that are soon to become a she and he always have. I think I just heard an English professor scream.

My point is that you have to let him be human. Just because he thinks about someone else does not mean he is going to act on it. He is letting you explore your sexuality, and act on it! He might want a word with my husband about his approaching shattered fantasies, but that is another topic.

In a strip club, all relationships are strictly professional… In a kinky drive you wild sort of way. You are both encouraged to think sexually about another person all you want without the “danger” of loosing anybody. Discover things you like and things that don’t work so well for you. This includes whether or not a woman’s body turns you on at all. If not, there is still much to learn about your man while you are there. Turn and see what is working for him. Then return to the safety of your own home with the full knowledge that the woman that just turned him on will never actually be with him. She is no more dangerous than the imaginary one he has in the shower.

Getting There

Selecting a Strip Club

You have decided to give it a try and did a search for local strip clubs. You found a few close to you and checked out their websites. Yikes. Never mind, maybe this was a bad idea.

Hold on! The owners are stuck in the dark ages of pre-internet adult entertainment. Their websites suck, and do not reflect on the quality of their establishments. Unfortunately you are not going to find out much from their website.

  • If you are married or have a boyfriend, you’ve got it made. Send him to go scope the places out. I did this to my husband. [BEGIN SARCASM]Oh woe is him! His wife sent him out to test strip clubs! Then, to make matters worse, she forced him to report on all the sordid details, which in turn made her horny and jump his bones! Will a man’s work ever be done?!?[END SARCASM]

  • If you are a single bi-curious girl, I would like to congratulate you on your existence. Oops! Maybe I ended that sarcasm a bit early. I apologize though. We all think you’ve got it made, but you are in search of a monogamous relationship, and want to find out if you are really attracted to girls. A strip club would be a welcome alternative to the constant barrage of abuse-offers from couples. How do you select one? A couple could do the next two points as well, but they are really tips for you.

1. Drive By. Click on “get driving directions” and drive by each place. Go during the day when you can see well, then go again at night during business hours. How do you feel about the neighborhood? Would you feel safe walking the sidewalk in the afternoon?

At night you will feel differently about that idea, but then is when you should check out the clientele. Drive around the block a couple times, and keep an eye out for cop cars. You want to see a cop car now. More on that in a later…

2. Call ahead. How much is the entrance fee? Does this cover charge apply to women? What kind of private dances are available, and what does each cost? What is the average amount for tipping the dancers, and when are tips expected? When are your busy days and hours, and when are your quiet hours?

I personally prefer quiet times. I get more attention from the dancers. The drawback is that this is usually when they first start their shift, and it is difficult for them to get in the mood. At crowded times there is more energy from the crowd for the dancers to feed off of. You can blend in easier because there is more likely to be other female customers.

Making Preparations

You have settled on a strip club you want to try. You have selected a date and a time according to the level of crowds you are comfortable with. It feels like a hot date with all this preparation! It is! Treat it like one!

  • Shower. Use an antiperspirant deodorant, even if you don’t usually need the antiperspirant part. You are under a lot of stress here, and it’s better safe than sorry. I am sure you have brushed your teeth, but pack a breath mint in your purse just in case. Skip the perfume entirely. Go as scent free as you can. Some of those guys put on four bottles of cologne, so the sexiest smell to a dancer is fresh air. If dancing for you provides her with it, you might be getting some free samples!

  • Dress somewhere between what you would wear for a first date and what you would wear for a first interview. If you dress too sultry, the girls will love it, but so will the guys. Something professional looking is fine, but no wool! You know what it feels like on the side that is not lined. You want to grind your skin against that? Find something that will feel nice for her to touch, but put some effort into making yourself presentable to her. It is a loud statement of respect that they respond to. You can still get service in sweats and a t-shirt, but your service will not be as nice.

  • Don’t have a drink to calm your nerves. You are trying to satisfy your curiosity, and you want all your senses to be at their peak performance. You do not need to be relaxed to find out if this is something you really like. You need to be relaxed on a date and you have to perform for her and make sure she is satisfied. You are the only one being serviced here. If you must, make sure it is as little as possible, and don’t drive. How are you going to explain to your mom where you were driving to when she comes to bail you out for drunk driving? Brush your teeth and more breath mints!

  • Time to pull out some money. Sure, they all have an ATM there, but it is best to budget before hand. For our anniversary, my husband and I budgeted $500 for going to a strip club. Was worth every penny. You are just trying to satisfy a curiosity though, not celebrating. $50 to $100 will enable a single person to get a thorough sampling. For a couple, more like $200. Around here you pay $20 to get into anywhere. After the entrance fee, I would recommend having at least another $20. This brings my minimum recommendation of what to spend to $40. That is if it is just you going alone with no one else. Granted, these are San Francisco Bay Area prices. I would love to see posts of prices for strip clubs in other areas please.

    Yes. It is more expensive than a movie. It is best to get over the sticker shock before you go because complaining about price to a dancer is like telling her she is worth less than the price of a movie ticket.

Got everything? Let’s go!

  • From the parking lot to the admittance window – Don’t worry about the loiterers outside. They are more afraid of you… no, really they are! You look like an angry jealous wife about to bust someone. Besides, remember that cop car you saw the other night? You stick out like a sore thumb, and it is watching you real close now. If any of those guys say or do anything, yell and/or make a gesture of distress. If you don’t want to press charges, they will still go to jail for the night for loitering.

  • Pay your entrance fee and stop just inside the door. I want you to look for big burly guys with white collared shirts and black slacks. Those are the bouncers. They will be guarding you from creepy guys much more closely than they will be guarding the dancers. Don’t see them? There is a scantily-clad girl about to greet you and ask you to take a seat. Tell her you are nervous and that you want to know how to prevent some creepy guy from picking up on you. If her answer doesn’t satisfy you, or you just don’t feel safe, just say you are not ready for this yet, and walk out. They will probably offer your money back in hopes that you will work up your nerve again, but if they don’t, just follow your gut instinct and try another place.

    More likely, some guy will look at you as you come in, and immediately there will be a bouncer between you and him looking like he wants to shred the guys eyes with his own toenails. You’re safe. Let the pretty girl take you by the arm and find you a seat anyway, ‘cause that’s fun.

You’re in! Now what?

  • Sit far from the stage and watch how things are done. There is a stage with seating around it, and separate areas for private dances. Get oriented. Watch how other people are doing things.

    You do not, however, want to mimic the other customers. They look bored! How can they be bored?!? If they are bored, why are they still here? Damn it, guys! Smile! I know you are not allowed to smile and tell a lady she looks good at work, but here you can! Honest! You should! You don’t need to be like the obnoxious frat boy ruining the show for everyone by being loud about it, but a little “oh wow” under your breath lets her know that the move she is doing at the moment is working for you. (Ohhhh so he is a butt man! Well, if he liked that, he’s gunna love this….)

  • But unfortunately, none of the guys in the strip club you are going to be in will have read that last paragraph. Fortunately we girls find this a bit easier. Girls are allowed nervous smiles without worrying about their manliness being questioned. We have a better feel for the appropriate time to let our eyes leave the chest and make eye contact for a smile because we have chests ourselves. What you may find a bit difficult is being the only one clapping as a dancer is introduced, and when she finishes her act on the stage. Try to do it anyway if nothing else but to get the other guys to show a little appreciation.

  • Okay, you have sat in the back long enough now. Time to kill the curiosity once and for all. First, you are going to go sit up at the stage. This is easy with a guy with you, but hard to do alone. To make it easier, take a $20 bill and get it exchanged for one-dollar bills. This informs the staff of where you are about to sit. At one place, I found it really quite entertaining to watch the bouncers prepare a spot for me. You could not get picked up on by a guy if you wanted to at this place!

  • Put at least one dollar down for every song that plays. It is usually two songs per dancer. She is going to pause in front of you and do a little move for the tip. Smile. Say or mouth a thank you when she moves on. If something is particularly working for you, give more money if you can and compliment her.

  • If you haven’t been asked while you were in the back, you will be asked now. “Would you like a private dance?” You will notice that you are getting asked that question much more frequently than all the men around you. Women are favored customers. You will see women who obviously do not want to be there but their men dragged in. By default these men get better service from dancers by bringing women. Then there are the women customers that want to be there. Smile back at them.

  • The private dances are expensive, but the dancers never see most of that money. It goes to the club owner. Please give your dancer a tip for each dance she gives you. If you only have $20 to spend, spend it all at the stage in tips. When a dancer offers a private dance, say “Oh, I would really love one, but I only had $20 to spend, and I spent [am spending] it all on tip money at the stage”. This tells the dancer that what you have is going 100% to the dancers, and you are spreading it around to all her friends. This news will spread, and you will be given great consideration.

  • If you do have enough money for a private dance, be prepared to have your curiosity satisfied! You don’t need any advice from me for how to go about starting. Just say yes to one of the dancers that asked. She will make small talk while waiting for your song to start. If you feel comfortable, divulge your reason for coming. It is their favorite one. If she is not lesbian or bi, one of her co-workers is. Always accept the second offer for a private dance. That one you were fixed up with.

  • Remember your smiling, and your feedback when you like something. Never compliment her by putting down or comparing her to another dancer. They are friends. Yes, she knows she is pretty. She is getting paid for pretty. That does not mean a girl doesn’t still love to hear it. Go ahead and get sexy back during the dance. Just stick to the rules. If you are unsure, ask. “Can I take my shirt off too back here? That’s okay, I understand.”

If, after the second private dance, you are not flushed and horny, you may not be bi. Maybe you are, and this was just not a good test for you. I don’t know. I was flushed and horny and filled with discovery about my sexuality and myself.

Leaving is easy.

The dancers kiss you goodbye, and your protectors, the bouncers, relax their scowls as you leave their protection so they can sneak a smile of goodbye to you. You see the security cameras that will keep an eye on you all the way to your car, and someone moves to monitor them as you go. Those loiterers don’t frighten you in the least anymore because you know they are incapable of saying anything to a woman even if she is naked and asking them questions. Besides, there is a security camera aimed at them. Go home. Attack your man or your vibrator a few thousand times so you can sleep. I sincerely hope I helped a little.