Bisexual Supports

Miley is over-the-top with everything she does but her latest public smooch session has left many wondering: could Miley be bisexual? This isn’t the first time we’ve seen her lock lips with a girl, do you think she could be batting for both teams?

Miley Cyrus loves to kiss girls but does that make her bisexual? HollywoodLife.com spoke to a source who tells us where Miley’s heart really lies.

Miley Cyrus: Is She Really Bisexual?

Miley, who was once engaged to Liam Hemsworth, has been doing a lot of kissing lately. Most recently, Miley made out with Katy Perry during her concert on Feb. 22 in LA but does this mean she’s over guys?

“She does these things because its these wild moments that have been a fixture for her career success,” the source told us. “She isn’t afraid to hook up with a girl but she doesn’t pursue girls in her private life. Its all about guys for Miley. That is not to say she wouldn’t have a girl join in the bedroom but she doesn’t consider herself bi-sexual.”
But despite this kiss, she was hooking up with Kellan Lutz not too long ago.  It’s safe to say she’s not bisexual but she just likes doing crazy things!

Miley Cyrus Kisses Cara Delevingne

Miley posted a pic on her Twitter in December, of her kissing Cara Delevingne, who is bisexual. Cara is currently dating Michelle Rodriguez, but the scandalous pic was taken before they started dating.
The suggestive pic did raise eyebrows but it appears Miley just kisses all of her friends!
HollywoodLifers, do you think Miley is bisexual?

 

This is a very popular form of biphobic rhetoric. Having encountered it in several places during the past week, I figured that formulating it here might be helpful for people.

The bisexuality=oppressiveness equation refers to any argument relying on the presumption that bisexuality is an oppressive identity, or that bi people as a group, occupy oppressor status in relation to nearly every other group.

For example, the “bi is binary" argument relies on this presumption, because it presents bisexuality as an identity that inherently oppresses trans*/nonbinary people, and insinuates that all bi people, as a coherent group, oppress trans*/nonbinary people.

Another such argument is that bi people are privileged over gay and lesbian people, that bi people benefit from heterosexism and patriarchy, and therefore have oppressor status over gays and lesbians.

Another such argument, which has been receiving certain currency in some Israeli communities lately, is that bisexuality - as a term, as an identity, and as a coherent group - is oppressive towards ace people (because it contains the word “sexual”).

The most sophisticated thing about these arguments is that they rely on intersectional political language - that is, they use the “right” terms and the “right” kind of language. Many times that makes it harder to expose - simply because it comes in the form of “calling out” of privilege rather than any the “classical” forms of biphobia that we’re used to encounter. And as intersectional politics instructs: when we’re being called out, we tend to listen.

In light of this, here are a few things that help me pay attention when this is what’s going on:

• If I notice that bisexuality is mentioned only in a negative context - for example, in my book, I mention several trans* books that only mention bisexuality once in the entire volume - in the context of criticism of “gender essentialist” (or otherwise problematic) identities.

• If I notice that only bisexuality is criticized about something that many more identities/groups share - for example, as in the broad discourse of “bi is binary”, when binary identities such as straight/gay or even man/woman don’t get even a fraction of the bullshit that bi people get. For example, in my life - the “bi is binary” argument has come up every single time I have spoken to gay/lesbian/queer audiences about bisexuality. In contrast, I have never seen this brought up when gay, lesbian or even cishet people (!) speak to similar audiences.

• Another good clue is if the person or text in question also echoes other biphobic perceptions, for example that “everyone is bisexual, really”, that “no one is bisexual actually”, that bisexuality is dissmissible/unnecessary as identity, or other attempts to disseminate bisexuality as an identity/group. (This group of arguments often particularly go along with this equation).

• Another point worth mentioning is the ease in which these arguments are received. Once someone makes the bisexuality=oppressiveness argument, their argument is immediately well received and accepted, whereas the contrasting argument, bisexuality≠oppressiveness, is always encountered with much resistance and negation.

This basically means that we are barred from engaging in meaningful and honest discussions about bisexuality and privilege, or oppressive behaviours within bi communities - because the moment this topic is raised, it is immediately wrapped in so many layers of biphobia, that it becomes impossible to extrapolate the legitimate concerns from the biphobic rhetoric. Indeed, sometimes perfectly legitimate concerns are raised, but are then presented as endemic to bi communities or to bisexuality as a word. This bars bi people from both keeping their bisexual identity and opposing oppressive behaviours (since in order to “truly” oppose oppressive behaviours, we are expected to give up our bi identities). This also means that if we wish to call out the biphobic rhetoric, we are immediately perceived as oppressive.

My advise for anyone using this type of argument is to first recognize that they have used it, and to then separate between legitimate concerns and biphobic accusations (for example: “some bi people and dialogues are cissexist”, vs. “all bi people oppress trans*/nonbinary people because ‘bisexuality’ is an oppressive word”). They should then change their biphobic language, while starting to think and work on their own biphobic biases.

Note that asking people do to this should not be considered as tone policing, since it is not their “angry tone” that is called out, but their oppressive (biphobic) rhetoric.

My advise for anyone encountering this type of argument: call out the biphobia, but don’t forget to be accountable to problematic behaviour in bi communities and dialogues.

Good luck.

P.S.
I can’t believe I typed all of this out on my girlfriend’s tiny keyboard.

1. “Simply saying, ‘I need 30 minutes to close up shop for the day and clear my head so I can be completely devoted to you for the rest of the night’ is pretty smart, honest and clear,” suggests Irwin. “If anyone is hurt by that, then that person may have some unreasonable dependency issues to straighten out.”
2. “Try saying, ‘I would like to spend Tuesday evenings with my sister. My relationship with her is very important to me and I want to make sure I give us the time we need to stay close,’” offers Kulbatski.

Make sure he understands that his needs are a priority, too
Since men and women can be equally insecure about relationships, it’s important to state your intention to spend time with him even as you’re explaining your need for time away. “Refer to your relationship in the future tense,” Kulbatski says. Saying something as simple as, “I’m looking forward to having more time together” could do the trick. “This way, your partner will understand that wanting space away from him does not in any way threaten your future as a couple.” And be sure to make the most of the time that you are together, says Tina B. Tessina, author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. “Make sure you’re into your date when you’re together,” she counsels. Tell your partner how much you value your status as a couple. “Don’t take him for granted. If you are fully present when you’re together, your date will have a difficult time believing you are not into him,” Tessina explains.

Skip the subterfuge and be honest...
Now, if you really aren’t that into the guy you’re currently seeing, don’t deploy the “I need more space” line instead of telling him the truth. “I really do think honesty is the best policy,” says Bowers. “Most men are going to get the hint fairly quickly if you’re never available to do anything when you get asked out, but if a man doesn’t get the hint, you need to tactfully say that you don’t think you’re a good fit. Try to say it in a way that doesn’t make [it seem as though] one of you right and one wrong — just that you’re different in a way that’s incompatible.” Sometimes finding a little more time just for you — whether it’s spent alone, or with family and friends — is just what you and your guy need to have a healthy and happy relationship. With these tips, you can have the space you need while keeping the man you love!