You know how all the studies say that gay people make up something like 3-4 percent of the population or some crazy low number like that? (I mean I think it's more like 20 percent but that's another conversation). At any rate, given that sexuality is clearly a bell curve, it follows that roughly 50 percent of the population is bisexual. Of that 50 percent, more than half are women. So by my estimation there are roughly 2,465,263,987,361 bisexual girls on the planet. No, I did not major in statistics, but I'm still right. Now it's up to you to find them. Speaking of finding them…
Now, more than ever, it is so flipping easy to find a bisexual girl to date! I have this theory that online dating, as well as revolutionizing how people meet each other and fall in love, has been a complete game-changer for the LGBT community. It used to be nearly impossible to spot another lesbian/bisexual unicorn, if neither of you were presenting the so-called lesbian aesthetic markers of hair, clothing, etc. But now…now! There are women everywhere you swipe. Into feminine girls but thwarted by femme invisibility? Look no further. And all the androgynous girls are there too. Have you already dated/befriended/slept with/had a falling out with every lesbian you know? Well luckily there's an entire world of uncharted territory out there of beautiful bisexual girls who don't live in your lesbian bubble, haven't already dated all of your friends, and don't carry years of lesbian baggage/drama. Thank. God. And speaking of lesbian bubbles…
3. They (often) do not live in the real-life equivalent of The L Word.
Given that bisexual girls live everywhere, and do every type of job, and have every type of life, and sometimes date guys if that's what they're into, and also date girls (and possibly even marry girls! it happens!) it follows that they might not live in an incestuous lesbian bubble like you do. And if you don't currently live in The L Word but are a lesbian, perhaps consider yourself thankful because that shit can get dramatic really quickly. I'm not saying having lesbian friends is bad because we all need someone or multiple people who really understand us and all that jazz. But in my experience, being friends with and dating bi girls helps pull me out of that myopic world and expands my horizons. It's important for everyone, no matter who they are, to have a diverse range of friends, and I think gay people sometimes forget that just as much as straight people do. Bi girls help bridge that divide, and show everyone that labels don't have to define everything we do.
4. They're fucking gorgeous.
Before you all collectively jump down my throat on this one, yes of COURSE there are beautiful lesbians. But if you refer back to number 1, you'll recall that it often feels like there are only 5 lesbians on Earth and you are one of them, you are bffs/bros with the second one, you strongly dislike the third, and you've already dated the other two. There are so. Many. Bisexual. Women. I cannot stress this enough. And I mean legitimately bi women…not experimenting straight girls who like to use us as orgasm donors, and then bail. (For the record, bi girls get screwed over by this disrespectful experimenting/playing with people's hearts too).
Anyway, back to what I was saying — looking purely at numbers, there's a higher chance of finding a beautiful bisexual girl than just about any other type of woman (there are probably more bi girls than straight girls out there too. Just sayin'). And if you like women who are femme/girly/long-haired/fitting-standards-of-traditional-female-beauty etc., you are in even more luck because bi girls tend to be on this end of the gender presentation spectrum. I don't know why this is. Maybe because they are also open to dating guys and guys tend to go for femme-ier girls? Maybe because some of them live a more outwardly heteronormative existence? I have no idea why, I just am basing this off of personal experience and observation. I'm not knocking other gender presentations either. I think androgyny is fucking sexy. I think masculine women are fucking sexy. I think feminine women are fucking sexy. And so do bisexual girls. And they are really, really hot.
5. They're everything you love about straight women, but they also have a gritty gay-ish edge to them and want to sleep with you.
They smell good. They have shiny, shiny hair. They have a billion beauty products in their arsenal. (They probably will give you some excellent beauty tips as well). They are perfectly manicured/waxed/etc. They will probably know how to do at least one of the following with proficiency: cooking, baking, sewing, styling hair, styling clothes, hosting dinner parties, wrapping gifts, handwriting letters, staying in shape, interior design, listening, nurturing, gardening, etc.
I do not care that this list is horribly reductive and relies completely on gender stereotypes about (straight) women. Lesbians are so fixated on fighting against gender norms that sometimes we forget that a lot of the things typically associated with women and femininity are wonderful things, and we should probably do more of them. And if we are just too masculine to do so, we should at least celebrate them. And maybe bi girls aren't so indoctrinated in the lesbian world and still retain some so-called straight girl characteristics. Since when did being able to keep a plant alive, or write a beautiful handwritten letter, or heat-style your hair with a round brush become such a negative thing?
Along with all these things, they were likely also a tomboy growing up, and are not afraid to get dirty, don't obsessively count calories, chug beer with the best of 'em, and know how to rock a flannel shirt.
Since they are legitimately into girls, their desire will lead them to become very eager/fast learners and very seasoned in lady-sex very quickly. Unlike straight girl pillow princesses, I’ve found that bi girls are giving and aggressive, they take charge, and participate equally, and love every second of it. Also because they've been with guys, they're likely to be able to handle a wide range of styles, so to speak. Yet they're likely also to be amazed/happy/excited about how much fucking better lesbian sex is than sex with men (nearly every bi girl I know admits as much — if they do still date guys it's usually for other reasons that has more to do with not being able to put up with women's ridiculousness, and nothing to do with men's performance sexually. Women always seem to win that one). I don't want to get too detailed here, just trust me on this one.
7. Their sexuality doesn't envelope their whole world. They tend to see people as people and not sexuality labels.
Another thing we (myself very much included) often tend to forget as lesbians is that there's a giant world out there, and it far extends beyond All Things Lesbian. Bisexual girls get this because they exist in both Straightsville and Gayland, and either used to or still do travel between them. Like straight girls, bisexual girls define themselves mainly by their passions, their work, their hobbies, or their nationalities/ethnicities/whatever — not as much their sexuality. Now look, I know that this whole lesbians-obsessively-identifying-as-lesbians thing comes as a direct result of straight society obsessively making our lesbianism the Most Important Identity Marker about us, but we have a responsibility to look beyond that too and not always do the All Gay All Day thing. I will never stop being obsessed with queer academia, lesbian filmmaking, all of that. But I'm a lot of things besides being a lesbian. Hanging around bi girls helps me remember that.
8. They'll totally get along with your parents.
Because bi girls sort of embody the best of both gay and straight girl tendencies, they will probably have just as much in common with your mom (if she's straight) as your dad (if he's straight). Get what I'm saying? Bi girls can shoot the shit about football with your dad while also bonding with your mom about girly ass stuff like baby showers that you could care less about. You, like me, also could maybe care less about football as well, but at least the girl you bring home might.
9. As friends, they make excellent sounding boards for your lesbian woes without being too heavily biased but yet still completely getting it.
I've noticed that with a lot of my straight girl friends, there's this line that exists when talking about my dating life that I sometimes accidentally cross, at which point they have no idea how to advise me and/or get weirded-out (topics that cross this line include: period sex, what to do when a girlfriend is being an emotional steamroller, strap-ons, why do lesbians like gay man porn, and so on). When I'm talking to my lesbian friends and I say anything even remotely anti-lesbian, I get railed — it's like you take one misstep and you're off the island. For example: After a particularly terrible breakup with a girl, my sad, sad self got very drunk one night and kissed a guy. I am not even remotely bisexual; I was just having a fucking moment. But my lesbian crew will never, ever let me live that one down. With my bisexual girl friends, however, anything and everything is game. I can tell them basically whatever I want, free of judgment, and I know I won't freak them out. They know how much it sucks to be judged and they know how important it is to rely on your own feelings and self-identification than to be policed by both the gay and straight worlds. Plus they're not going to give you that look of barely-concealed shock when you tell them the more intimate details of your last lady encounter.
10. They are NOT going to leave you for a guy.
Like I said in the beginning of this piece, the only way you would ever be in actual danger of being left for a dude is if the girl you're dating is 1) actually straight or 2) a complete asshole who didn't have the courtesy of breaking up with you before pursuing said guy. Truly bisexual girls are truly satisfied in relationships with women. They don't feel like they're "missing something." They don't crave men while they're dating you. If they're in love with you, all their attention is on you and you can rest assured that unless you two break up for some other reason of incompatibility, you don't have to worry about them ditching you for a guy (or another girl) ever again. Bisexual means having the capability to be attracted to both (or many) sexes. It does not have anything to do with monogamy or commitment or relationships. She's always going to be bi, but as long as she's in your bed every night, who fucking cares?
Happy Holidays, y'all.
(Also if I offended any straight girls by all the rants about pillow princesses, keep in mind that I'm only talking about straight girls who fuck with lesbian/bi girls’ hearts, not all straight women. I love you guys, so calm down. Maybe I'll even make a thankful list for you too)