Everything You Need To Know About Bisexuality

So, what's the deal with bisexuality? Here's everything you need to know. | Photo source: Glee/FOX
So, what’s the deal with bisexuality? Here’s everything you need to know. | 
When it comes to sexuality, even some of the most awful bigots will at least admit that homosexuality is real. They might not like it, but they won’t deny its existence. And yet, for some reason, bigots, seemingly progressive people and plenty of members of the queer community really hate to acknowledge the fact that bisexuality exists. Even some incredibly prominent LGBTQ figures like Dan Savage have made weird claims about bisexuality being a farce. Uh, what? Why is it so hard to believe that people can be attracted to people who are their gender as well as other genders? Why is that so ridiculous?

Anyway, the point is that there are a lot of ridiculous negative connotations and general confusion surrounding bisexuality. So whether you’re bi, you think you might be be bi, or you’re not bi at all and just want to learn more about it, here are the bare basics of what you need to know about bisexuality.

Lets get started, shall we? Woop woop!
happy girl dancing

What is bisexuality?

Bisexual and over 50 : Jan

Here's the second in the series of "email interviews" with bi people over 50. There has been a lot of good reaction to this on social media, so many thanks! We are out there.

Each of these "interviews" is written by the individual concerned; the questions in bold come from me.

I'm Jan Steckel, 51, white, female, writer and former paediatrician. I live in a house in Oakland, California, USA, with my husband who is also bisexual.

How did you come to think of yourself as bisexual?
I’d had boyfriends since the eighth grade [aged 13] and assumed I was straight. Then, the summer before I turned 18, I sang in a band. I was falling in love with the lead guitarist, a man, when the drummer, a woman, asked me out. I made out with her that night and realized that I was bisexual, even though I ended up with the young man.

What does being bisexual mean to you?
It means I am sexually attracted to some people who are the same sex as I am and to some who are of a different sex from me.

Has this changed over the years, and if so, how?
Not much since I realized I was bi. It’s my gender identity that has changed instead. When I was a kid I thought I was a boy and that some mistake had been made. In college I wished I was a man. I was pretty dysphoric about my body’s curves, such as they were. I wanted the hard planes of a man’s body, and I wanted to love a man as another man. Almost all the fiction I wrote then was first person male, and my closest friends were male, too.

Now I’m comfortable with being female. As an adult, I was always more sexually attracted to women but had a tendency to fall in love with men. Since my recent menopause, I think I’ve become more attracted to women as well as to trans and nonbinary people and less attracted to men, though my attraction to my husband has remained constant.

What do other people in your life know about your bisexuality and how do they react?
Most people who know me know that I’m bi. I’m pretty out and loud about it, and have been for decades. Since my poetry book The Horizontal Poet won the 2012 Lambda Literary Award for Bisexual Nonfiction,  I pretty much lead my literary bio with that. One of my older female relatives told me angrily that by putting the fact that I was bisexual on the back of my book, I had disrespected my marriage to my husband, but most of my family has been pretty cool.

When I first came out to my mother, she was worried that if I ended up with a woman I wouldn’t have children, or my children would be screwed up. She got over that well before I was out of my childbearing years, I think, though in the end I didn’t have kids. My Dad was probably more uncomfortable at first than my Mom, but he’s pretty cool about it now. My brother’s always been fine about it.

It was definitely not cool, though, with many of my fellow physicians. That’s part of the reason I’m not in medicine anymore. Poets and writers are a lot more accepting.

My husband is bisexual, too, and it’s a pretty big part of our lives. We march every year in the bi contingent of the San Francisco Pride parade, and he hosts a social group called Berkeley BiFriendly where we met. We’ve both been published in bisexual anthologies and periodicals. I just had a short story come out in Best Bi Short Stories, and he has a painting being reproduced in a forthcoming anthology of work by bi men. Many of our friends are queer, so we get a lot of support from our community around it.

Looking back over your life so far, is there anything you wish you’d done differently?
I wish I had dated more women early on and had longer-lasting relationships with them. I was a little passive at first, waiting for people to pursue me instead of taking the initiative.

What about your hopes or fears for the future (regarding bisexuality)?
I belong to an online writing critique group where some jackass keeps attacking me every time I mention writing for bi periodicals or any honor I’ve got for bi writing. He accuses me of playing identity politics. My answer to that is that I’d be delighted not to need identity politics anymore. When discrimination against bisexual people goes away, then if people don’t want to label themselves according to their sexuality, fine. Until then I’m sticking to my label and making sure young people see plenty of bisexual characters in literature. I want young bisexually inclined people to see themselves reflected in what they read. I want them to have a peer group of other bisexual people, unlike me when I was coming up.

Any words of wisdom for younger bi people – or older ones?
Find a peer group of other bi people, even if it’s only online. Get support from them. Try to find a safe way to come out, even if it means moving to a city with a visible bi population.

Bisexual Dating Site- Meetbi.com : The Review From About.com

"MeetBi.com is designed just for bisexual and bi-curious individuals. Here you can find sexy and open-minded singles & couples looking to explore their sexuality, chat, hook up with, etc. We also offer many features to facilitate people looking for anything from lovers to intimate relationships.

Unlike other sites, singles here start out with something in common, love for bisexual passion and bisexual romance. The common interest will help make dating easier and more effective."

What a MeetBi Membership Includes

There are two membership types at MeetBi: the free membership is called a "Guest" membership, whereas the paid membership is called a "Gold" membership.

MeetBi Guest memberships include the free creation of a profile, including uploading of photos, the ability to answer all emails and incoming messages (but not the ability to initiate contact), and limited use of the search engine feature, "which includes the gender you are seeking, age range and as close as 100 miles to you".

A MeetBi Gold membership includes all of the Guest features, plus:

Bisexuality: Coming Out to Yourself

What does 'coming out' mean? For many it simply means accepting who they are, without preconceptions, without judgement, assuming an identity that is open and honest, both to themselves and to others around them. To others, it simply means accepting who they are in silence, not sharing with anyone their true identity with the possible exception of a few close friends.

Whatever it means to you, what is important is that you accept who you are and are comfortable within your own skin, live in peace, and are not haunted by fears of being discovered and rejected by others. If you carry feelings of a deep dark secret you are not living a carefree harmonious calm life; rather one filled with stress and anxiety. Coming out to yourself in whatever manner you choose, will liberate you from a self-imposed prison and will lead you to living a free and more enjoyable way of life.

The Coming Out Process

Research indicates that people go through a range of stages before coming out and can remain in any one of these stages for an indefinite amount of time.
In the first stage, a person feels different from others, they know they feel different towards people of the same sex but it's not always clear, if their feelings are of a sexual, romantic or of a friendship nature.
In the second stage they become more aware of their feelings and their attractions to people of the same sex. They may have had sexual liaisons with people of the same sex, but are not proud of their actions, have mixed feelings about their identity and may experience feelings of denial regarding their sexual orientation.

In the third stage, they begin to accept their sexual identity by mixing with other lesbian, gay or bisexual people, attending groups and events, and dating people of the same sex more openly. In the final stage, they begin to feel proud of their identity; they do not want to hide it, and want to share it with people they love, trust and respect. At this point, they may experience feelings of euphoria and pride, and truly feel they have 'come out'.

Why come out?

Meet bisexual women: 10 Connection Tips That Work

bilove3Did you think that joining Meetbi.com was all you had to do to make a connection with another bi woman? Did you think you would be chased?
Our goal is to have you connect with other bi women, Just $30 a month from your credit.

And no site, free or commercial, has a better connection rate than we do. We are bi women, and we understand the unique nature and hardships associated with bi hookups.
So, if  you want to meet another bi woman here...you can! But only if you get active and make an effort.
Here are some tips on how to connect with other members and have some girl fun.
  1. Go to the Search Page: Click all the sidebar options for finding girls near you. Remember to try the Advanced Search, it shows members near you within a mileage radius, on a Google Map.
  2. Get Noticed: Verify your account. It's Free, and tells other members that you are who and what you say you are. 
  3. Be aggressive - not passive: Message other members - you can do it from any Member Profile page.
  4. Check your Mail. Answer messages, comment on member pics and check the activity page for new members and activity.
  5. Chat! Be social. Talk to the other girls online. Once you log in, it's right there on the bottom of every page.
  6. Use a picture, not a stock avatar. Are you really like 400 other members? Your chances of connecting are 7 times higher with a profile pic, or with pics in the Photo Gallery.
  7. Complete your Profile: "I'm sexy, 32 and married" will not do it! Tell others about yourself, your life and your interests. Read this article: Creating the Perfect Profile
  8. Questions? Need Help? Click on the Help or message one of the admins.
  9. Get involved in Group activities. Join or start a Group in your area. That's why you joined, right?
  10. Treat others with respect, and not as a sex toy for you and your "super sexy" man. Any of us can attract men! Make a connection with a woman first, and then explore your threesome fantasy. If all you want is a woman who will jump into a threesome with people she has no relationship with, try a swingers site or get a pro. These profiles never attract anyone.

Bisexual Dating Resources

A Bisexual is a person who knows that sexuality is fluid, it is free and changing. A person labeled under this category is the type of person who can be attracted to both men an women in all levels and categories one can imagine be it romantically, intellectually, physically and others.

Are you Bisexual?
Some people although knowing that they are attracted to people of the same sex tend to brush the idea off because of the rule of the norm. For others on the other hand, they do not even know if they really are a bisexual. To determine if you really are under this particular category of gender you may check the following guidelines.

  • Which gender do you find yourself to be more comfortable?
  • Are you physically attracted to both sexes?
  • Do you prefer seeking emotional comfort with men or women?
  • Have you ever been emotionally attached to a person of the same sex?

It is through determining the answer to the said questions that one can realize on whether he or she is a bisexual. Chances are, if one has really been extremely emotionally, physically, intellectually attached to a person of the same sex while accepting the probability of being in the same state of feelings with the opposite sex that one can be certain that s/he is a true bisexual.

Dating ressources

The queer world is rather small and intimate. There are many venue for one to find people of the same sex preference. For single bisexual people who does not know where to start meeting people try to go online to know people. There are already several websites meant for this type of dating.

www.bicupid.com is one of the most popular and very well advertised lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender network website. Its use can make her own profile and customize it according to her personality. It also gives a venue for people to chat as a group and as an individual.

http://www.meetbi.com has been available for every bisexual people to communicate with each other since the year 1997. In fact, one can even browse on someone else profile without the need of registering to the site making it more interesting.

http://www.bidatingnow.com is the site for bisexuals to meet people who are not of the same gender range. Its membership is free. Users are allowed to create their own profile and browse members from other dating websites.