Bisexuality: Girls Who Like Girls and Then Boys

Will She Go Straight? Will She Go Straight?
 
We all know how much I love to generalize and this time the bisexuals are in the hot seat.
Why is it that the bisexual women I know play the lezzo game for a while but end up with men? Is one side better than the other? How is that even determined? Do bisexuals really exist or is the concept a fallacy – a misconception based on a handful of chicks that couldn’t make up their minds or liked sex so much that it didn’t matter who with? Look at Sappho, it was 776 BC for fuck’s sake. What else was there to do besides fuck everyone and write poems about it? She is declared to be the first (witnessed) lesbian in history but ended up marrying a dude, so…?

I can see how dating women but marrying men would be the logical choice. You can actually marry a man, he can provide you with children and fix things around the house, like light bulbs which have blown, as chairs obviously do not exist to climb upon to bring light to one’s room once more. What’s a chair?
I’m going to break down the different types of bisexuals that I have experienced. Let’s begin.

TYPE 1 – THE LEGITS:

If being gay isn’t a choice, than
we can only assume that being bisexual isn’t either, right? The New York Times studied the legitimacy of bisexuality by testing people’s genital arousal in response to pictures. Most men who claimed to be bi were lying about their attraction to women – but the women who claimed to love both were legit.

I think it comes down to downtown. Vanilla style shagging means you can tune-out and pretend you’re having an immensely realistic fantasy, but ask a straightie if she could nosedive and I guarantee the color will drain from her face. They’ve got one, but can’t get in one.

So this leads me to believe that if you’re legitimately bisexual then there must be something in your brain which stops you feeling physically ill whilst giving head to either sex. I would rather eat goat testicles than be in close proximity to real ones. If the choice was to have a dick in and around my mouth or not have sex for a year – I would go celibate. For anyone who has known or shagged me – this is a big effin deal.

TYPE 2 – THE ‘I WAS GAY ONCE’ ERS:

I fucking hate Hasbians.
I know a bunch of lezzos who converted straighties, had major relationships with them, assumed they were going to live happily ever after and shit but bam – she’s effed a dude and it’s all over. I don’t know if it’s cold feet or they genuinely miss humping. I know that lesbians can be cray but isn’t the sex worth it? I am bias and speaking from a lesbian heart, body, soul and pussy but if it’s not the ‘happily ever after’ fantasy –than what?

TYPE 3 – OCCASIONALLY-WHEN-IT-SUITS-ME:
 
These are the types who were bi in high school but then actually realize that no, they’re not at all – whoops. I hate attention seekers who drunk-pash girls. Really, the only ones that find these chicks hot are dudes, or other attention seeking wannabes.

I feel bad for lesbians who get caught up in the pursuit of a conversion. It takes a fuck load of effort and groundwork and it nearly never pays off. Yes, you get a hot straightie, someone out of the clique and a girl-sex virgin but you also get constant paranoia, relentless male perving and conjured images of your GF’s cumshot face.

Woody Allen once said that bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night. But does it really? Bisexuality seems to be a curse – high-risk scenario for lesbians, high-fantasy scenario for men. Also, wouldn’t you have to have some kind of split personality to enjoy both sexes? They’re so vastly different. How can a woman wearing Chanel lipstick and satin lingerie to a man wearing a football jersey and cotton briefs out of a Target 10-pack be considered the same amount of hotness?

A couple of really close friends of mine have been royally fucked over by chicks playing the bi-game and I’m kinda sick of it. Pick a side or a title and stick to it. If you’re bisexual, say you’re bisexual. Don’t say you just happened to fall in love with a chick and then commit the lesbian sin of all sins by leaving her for a man. People who say they fall in love with the person but not the sex are looking for a scapegoat in case one day they decide that eating gash isn’t as fun as wearing a white dress.

Sell outs.

Love,