I have only ever fallen in
love with men, and when I fall for them I fall really hard. I've had a
few relationships and heaps of flings, all with men. I love the intimacy
I feel during sex with men and I won't sleep with a guy unless I feel
emotionally attracted or connected to him. I love the feeling of a man
dominating in the bedroom and being the stronger sex. I'm only really
attracted to tall men, and I'm attracted to strength, e.g. one of my
favourite things is to have a guy pick me up and carry me. I have never
felt the kind of passionate emotional attraction for a woman that I can
feel for a man. Also, most of my friends are male, and until recently I
preferred it that way.
And yet, I have always been fascinated by
the nude female body, even before I reached puberty. I find females
much, much more visually appealing than men when they are topless or
nude. I am particularly turned on by breasts, I just think they are the
sexiest things on this planet. If I watch porn, it's usually either girl
on girl porn or some kind of group sex. If I watch straight porn I
focus mostly on the girl and how she looks and what's happening to her.
Strangely enough, i dont' really find girls kissing to be much of a
turn-on, but girls playing with each other's bodies is amazing to me. I
associate kissing with something more deeply emotional.
recently had my first experience with a girl, and althought it didn't go
all the way, it blew me away. THe softness of her skin was amazing.
Touching each other's breasts in particular was just heaven. I couldn't
stop thinking about the whole thing for days afterwards. And yet, I felt
uncomfortable with the kissing part, and had to be coaxed into it,
although it was nice when I finally did it.
After all this I
found myself getting jealous when she talked about guys or spent too
much time with other female friends. Eventually one night we attended a
party together, and she was a bit flirty and i thought we would take
things further, but then she forgot all about me when an attractive guy
walked in. I was really really upset. And yet I don't feel the intense
emotional attraction for her that I would for a man, I feel maybe one
third or one quarter of what I would feel for a man. She still feels
like just a friend but with a bit of extra closeness or something.
ever since we hooked up, I'm positively obsessed with having another
lesbian experience, and not thinking about sex with males that much,
although I do think about that too.
I'm soooo confused and don't
know how I feel! I'm thinking having more experiences will clarify it,
but don't know where I can get them.