WATCH: Jesse’s bisexual story

“I always found it difficult to find a label that best describes me.”
In the next in a series of animations telling real stories of LGBTI Australians in rural areas, we meet Jesse, who is bisexual.
Voiced by Vincent Cornelise, Jesse lives on neither side of the gay/straight fence, but has to deal with the stigma that comes with being bisexual from all communities.
“In primary school I knew I was attracted to the same sex, but I also knew I was attracted to the opposite sex. I never really had anyone to talk to about it,” he explains.
“High school was hard. It was a very homophobic environment… I began asserting my own individuality in an aggressive way as a tactic to stay safe.”

The National Institute for Challenging Homophobia (NICHE) has been collecting hundreds of everyday LGBTI stories from regional, rural and remote Australia. The YourStory Campaign tells some of them in an animated format thanks to the art of cartoonist Kenton Penley Miller, filmmaker Jonothan Duffy and more.
“Coming out as bisexual has been mostly quite negative,” Jesse says. “I’ve been quite shocked by the lack of understanding from the gay community, and from girls. So many people insist that I must be gay or that I am going through a phase. When I come out as bisexual to gay male friends there seems a lot of judgment. As far as I’m concerned I don’t have time for judgmental people.
“Its so boring trying to fit into a box all the time, I think people who focus on labels compromise themselves, just to fit in.
“If life was black and white, we would miss out on all the pretty colours of the rainbow.”
Watch Jesse’s cartoon story below.

The Bisexual Pillow Princess

The Urban Dictionary describes a Pillow Princess as follows: A woman, usually of or in a curious/bisexual context, who wants to experience pleasure from oral sex, but who is unwilling to reciprocate. But what does that really mean? A selfish bitch who will take it from anyone who'll give it; male or female? An uncommitted lesbian or bisexual woman unwilling to perform any sexual acts that will clearly identify her as a bisexual or lesbian woman?
Christine: All Cindy ever does when we have sex is just lay back and have me do all the work. She is such a pillow princess!

Okay, so technically I'm a bisexual pillow princess.
Most of my sexual partners have and will be men. I am keen on giving and receiving with guys with no problem - in fact, I love it! I guess that limits my reign as princess to sex with women. Why, you ask? Some would say I'm a selfish bitch and others would say I just don't play for both teams, even if I say I do.
I started dating boys when I was 14 and didn't give much thought to having sex with other girls. College changed all that. My first lesbian experience was in my first semester. I had succumbed to weekend keg-guzzling frat parties and although I was inexperienced, I was quickly catching up to my peers. There was this very beautiful junior named Christine, who I couldn't stop staring at every time I saw her. I noticed her at every party I attended, and she made small talk with me, from time to time. She had a reputation as a real party animal type wild thing, which piqued my interest even more. Gorgeous long blonde hair, perfect barbie dimensions and the face to match; that must be my type I guess.
One foggy Saturday night frat party, she was there, as beautiful as ever, but stinking drunk and loud. She blurted out that she thought I was cute and she wanted me to go upstairs with her. I'd never been with a girl before, although I exclusively masturbated to lesbian porn, but I was both flattered and turned on. Emboldened by beers and wet panties, I silently followed her like a sheep to the slaughter.
I was totally freaked. I went to the bathroom to check myself and kept compulsively putting my hand in my panties to make sure I smelled okay (something I haven't done with guys, incidentally). Sitting on the bed, I sipped beer from my red plastic cup and tried to make small talk. I rattled on and on like a nervous little chatterbox about to have her first lesbian experience. Then she slid over close to me, leaned over and put her index finger on my lips. "Shhhh" she whispered. I obeyed. Then she kissed me.
I was speechless and couldn't even move. Sexiest. Thing. Ever.
My whole body trembled like a leaf as she ran her fingers across my shoulders, neck and caressed me slowly and deliberately. The kissing was better than any kissing I could remember with any guy; so soft and sweet and gentle.
Her clothes came off quickly and I started caressing her too. Pretty soon we were doing some heavy petting and she started pulling my clothes off. Okay, I'm getting to feel really awkward now. My mind is racing as I'm thinking, "I'm actually making out with another girl - it is really happening."
And then she went down on me for what seemed like hours. Finally I couldn't take any more orgasms and told her to stop. Yes, you heard it right. She grinned and sat back for a minute, with a very sexy look on her face. I know it was my cue to go down on her now. But I didn't. I got up like a robot, put my clothes back on and walked out the door.
Somehow, miraculously, leaving her unfulfilled after hooking up gave me some sort of celebrity status among the other girls. Christine labeled me as a pillow princess and the name stuck; so did I.
After that, I was approached by girls who were into that sort of thing because they liked the idea of going down on a reluctant girl. They didn't expect me to reciprocate. Frankly I liked it.
Now that I'm out of college, it's much more difficult to find these girls. I'm not out, there's no good lesbian bars nearby, and most girls interested in a one-night-stand want you to do something for them, too.
Is it selfish? Well, okay, in the case of Christine it was. But I let the rest of the women I sleep with know what they're getting into. If it helps, it's not the cruelty of blue-clitting somebody that appeals to me, it's just the aspect of being "attended" to like pillow royalty. Plus, women who don't care about "their turn" because they get off on giving head are usually really good at it and very enthusiastic.
I get most of my hookups through the Internet (which is a nightmare, if you're a girl trolling for no-strings sex with other girls), where I often clearly state that I'm there to get, not give. Here's how it works. I look for bi and gay girls on dating sites who are open to casual sex, then present myself as a curious mostly straight girl and drop the pillow princess bomb if she seems flirty and interested.
If I use Craigslist, I have to deal with loads of male creeps and have to voice-verify to make sure they're girls, but I can also state in my ad exactly what these girls are in for. She hosts or we go someplace to have sex -- but never my place, because I need to be able to make my abrupt exit. (Bars with locking unisex bathrooms are great for this -- so I guess I'm also a "stand-up up against the tile" princess. People are shockingly okay with waiting in line while two girls fuck.)
I answer and place more ads than lead to actual hookups, but there are enough women out there willing to do this that I've done it a handful of times. Some of these women have been insanely hot. Some of them are gay, some are bi, and some of them are in relationships with men who don't know that they meet women on the Internet for sex.
The best part is that if it turns out I'm not attracted to a girl in person, I can just close my eyes and pretend I am while she does her thing. It's a weird combination of submitting and being serviced that I find intensely sexy. Occasionally, I'll crack in the moment and reciprocate. (Although I also like getting them to the point where they're forced to get themselves off while I'm getting my boots on.)
It's not that I don't like going down on women. I do. But I'm not dating them, and I don't think I would want to have my fetish corrupted by caring for somebody enough to give back. Judge me if you must, but plenty of folks are selfish in bed without any warning.
At least in my situation, everybody goes in with their eyes open. At least until it gets really good.

Finding Another Bisexual Woman Near Me

Okay, as co-founder of, I get a lot of questions about "finding a bisexual girl near me" from members. I am truly surprised by some of the expectations of members who live in rural areas, where the population is very low. I'm talking about places with a lot of open land, maybe farm land, or barren desert, where there are not a lot of inhabitants.

Why do people expect everything to be at their fingertips? Maybe it's the "microwave mentality" so pervasive in our society. I want it "hot and now". No effort, no waiting, no work. Why does anyone expect anything in life to be that way, much less finding another bisexual woman who not only is appealing, pretty - dare we say, ready to do whatever we want and willing to travel to our location to do it? To use Saturday Night Live's popular Weekend Update News phrase, "Really?" I mean, would YOU be willing to go through all that to meet someone? Obviously not because you're complaining that someone else isn't there to do that for you.

Here's the thing, ladies. Finding someone special, whether it's a guy or a bisexual woman, is NOT as easy as making microwave popcorn (which I love, by the way). You don't open the wrapper, lay it in the microwave and push the popcorn button. We WISH it were that easy, but it's not.

It takes effort! You have to look through MANY members to find someone who interests you to begin with. You have to message them. Sometimes MANY times. You have to WAIT to hear back from them. You may even have to get in your car and drive a few miles to MEET with them. Yes, I said it! You will have to work for it.

If you think there is something magical about registering as a member here, like bisexual women are going to rain from the sky, down on you, you're in La La Land. My father used to say something that really applies here. "Anything worthwhile doesn't come easy."

There are many, many bisexual women here who have successfully found another bisexual woman who meets their requirements. Yes, we have a long list of happy bi girls who have found a compatable match for them. Some have traveled from Las Vegas to Florida to make that happen. And none of them would change a thing. I even convinced one brave soul to blog about her experience in finding another bisexual woman here. But don't expect miracles without any foot work on your part.

So to those who say "there's no one in my area" I ask you, did you expect to find a bisexual woman next door to you? Really? If you want to find someone, you have to look and look and work at it. I'll tell you, it will be worth all the time and effort you expend. You will be really glad you went that extra mile and sent those messages, chatted with her and dug through the member list to find her. Just be realistic about it.

Rome wasn't built in a day. And a romance or a friends with benefits, girlfriend thang or whatever you have in mind, won't happen unless you make it happen. So roll up those sleeves and get started. You'll be so glad you did.

Older-Younger Bisexual Relationships

The Older/Younger Combination

Surprisingly, there is a definite romantic quality in an older/younger bisexual relationship between two women. This sexy chemistry can be accelerated and heightened especially when the two are in different stages of life.

One example is the successful, empowered, mentoring career woman and the younger, up-and-coming career newbie, degree in hand coupled with an enthusiastic desire to learn, develop her skills and grow. 

The two coming from different worlds and different experience levels, seem to gravitate towards each other like magnets, with each desiring what the other has.
Personally, I have always been especially fascinated with older women. When I was just a teenager I tried dating women in their mid twenties to early thirties. Now that I'm in my twenties, I am drawn to women up into their forties.
I used to think that the likelihood of finding a solid relationship with another bisexual woman was higher with an older, attractive woman, rather than a fellow co-ed in the lecture hall. After all, the girl next to me in class is probably not ready to be serious about much of anything, in my book.
As it turned out, I have been right in most cases, at least in my experiences. If I plotted all my experiences on a graph, it would create an upward trend to a point. For one, the older the woman I slept with, the more fun we had in bed together. That of course is a big factor for me in my continued desire to date older women. Great sex is a great motivator. However, it's not the only consideration, so we'll look at more.
Due to their worldliness, experience in society and understanding about life, older women are usually more confident and carry themselves with a certain air, which I find very attractive. No clingy, insecure, dependence to deal with. And the drama quotient is lower, too.
I find the emotional connection very refreshing. Older women seem to have a better skill set for communicating what they want, who they are and how they see you. The guessing game of what is this, and where is it going, is usually not necessary. It allows for a more relaxed, sensuous overall experience. I appreciate the exposure to different foods, life experiences, events and cultural perspectives as well. These differences further enhance the relationship, rather than detracting from it. How thrilling to be learning something new every time we get together; be it conversationally, sexually, culturally, or otherwise. Girls my age know what I know and do what I do. Not very exciting if you ask me.

The Older/Younger Seduction

The subtle seduction of an older woman once she decides she likes me is especially erotic and sensual. Showing she likes me by how she behaves and dropping visual cues with her body language adds to the anticipation of her declaration that she's interested.
I see their hints juicier as compared to their verbal declarations. For example, just one time, I met up with a particular lady whom I met at a social gathering. She was almost forty and I was twenty-three. We met for some coffee in the afternoon at a place that had cozy lounging couches. At first we were all polite and proper, but after a few minutes, we found ourselves inching closer to one another, thoroughly checking each other out as we chatted.
She was attractive and well maintained for her age. She obviously took good care of herself and looked more like she was in her late twenties. I kept staring at her face as it was quite beautiful and youthful.
She picked right up on my stares and I was electrified by her reciprocal ‘looks’ and periodic seductive laughter. I was hooked.
If you're a younger girl wanting to date older women, you probably wonder what you have to offer in the relationship. After all, she has the worldliness, the talent, experience and know how. But you have the eagerness, the freshness, the hunger for new experiences. Energy, spontaneity and enthusiasm are a very desirable combination which an older woman just loves! Your attitude and fresh approach to things are infectious and can be the perfect contribution to the relationship to get those sparks flying and energy flowing back and forth. Moreover, your adoration towards her will clinch the deal and provide you both with the desirable qualities you need to blossom in your relationship.
Don't worry about what other people say or do. You will see how amazing it can be when you choose a bisexual woman who isn't the same as you, but can offer what you want in a relationship, but didn't know where to find it. At least that's how it has worked out for me. If you've never been with an older woman and you're young, or if you're older and have never been with a younger bisexual woman, I suggest you give it a try. Just get ready to be amazed and enticed, seduced and adored. Sounds pretty good to me!

Should I Tell My Fiance I am Bisexual?

I have always been sexually attracted to both men and women. However, 90% of my sexual fantasies involve women. But I have never really connected with women on an emotional level, so I have never been in a relationship with a woman, though I have fooled around.
I have never told my fiance about this. A long time ago bisexuality came up and he said something like "I couldn't be with a bisexual woman because I would worry I wasn't satisfying all of her sexual needs and desires." I haven't mentioned it again, though admittedly I feel guilty when I masturbate thinking about women. I worry I am not being true to him and that if he found out he would think of me differently.

Should I tell him?

Yes, tell him. Even though you say you're far more attracted to men then women, as he said, he'd always wonder. And you apparently have nagging little doubtful thoughts too, all of which may be warning lights for any marriage. Besides, it isn't fair to either of you to hide it. Marriage = all the cards on the table.
I guess the real question is, if 90% of your turn-ons involve women, what does marrying a man bring to the table for you? Why would you want to marry a man, if you have such strong tendencies towards women?
It's a bad idea to hide such a basic fact about yourself from someone you are going to marry. He should be on board with all of you if it's going to work. I think that his statement that he could never be with a bisexual woman may have been a glib remark and not a carefully considered concrete decision. Especially if he's never knowingly dated or been close to someone who was bisexual.
The conversation will illuminate some important things about trust in your relationship. He needs to trust that you are fully committed to him (despite his weird ideas about bisexuality), and you need to know if he can be trusted with your truths, however painful they might be (to him).
In a way, you should probably tell your guy about this for your own sake. It's a case of "speak now or forever hold your peace". Do you really want to spend the rest of your lives together keeping this secret, which is not just any secret but a basic, central fact about your real nature, which you can never divulge for fear of what he'll do and/or because he might react very negatively to not having been told before you got married? You need him to accept all aspects of you. It wouldn't be fair to either of you in the future if you don't.
If 90% of your fantasies are about women you may consider the possibility of being pretty damn close to being a very frustrated lesbian. Just because you haven't met the right woman yet doesn't mean the emotional component can't happen. If you marry this man without discussing this first, you will eventually feel trapped and resentful. If he can't accept you for who you are, then this marriage isn't going to be good for either of you.
You say that he told you he could "never be with a bisexual" - but doesn't this bit of information condemn part of who you are? I once dated an atheist man who had an axe to grind with agnostics: I am agnostic, and it became such a large point of contention that it helped drive a wedge between us. And we were just dating; you guys are getting married. That's a great big window within which your fiance could privately seethe about not being able to "satisfy your sexuality."
So my vote is "tell him". Get this out in the open now so you can both deal with it. Because if the two of you can't deal with it, it's better you find that out now than ten or fifteen years down the road, especially if by then you have a couple of small children. I know a bisexual woman who has been married for 20 years to the same man, who is ignorant of her bisexuality. It is a sad state of affairs and does nothing positive for their relationship, I assure you.
If your goal is staying with your fiancé no matter what, you shouldn't tell him. If you want to live an open, fulfilled life, possibly with your current fiance, then yes, you should tell him. Ultimately the choice is up to you. However, think carefully about your reasons for the decision you make. It will affect the rest of your life, for better or worse.
If you have questions to ask, submit them to

3 Simple Suggestions for meeting the new family -Bisexual dating

Meeting the love of your life's family can be a very scary moment but can be very rewarding if you follow a few small guidlines that i have outlined.

1 Research the family-Find out what their likes/ dislikes are. Find out what type of foods they life to eat. Beverages they like to drink. Get the scoop before meeting so you will at least have some type of conversation piece.

2 Compliment the family-THink of something nice to compliment them with. Nice shoes, hair, or body. This is always a good ice-breaker.

3 Compliment Yourself- If you got as far as meeting the family, You must be doing something right. SO be yourself and honestly you will be ok!

How Bisexual Are You?

Happens every day! A straight woman falls for another woman or a lesbian winds up with a man.

The switch-hitter invariably offers some explanation about "falling in love with the person, not the gender." Weird and rare, right?

No, according to Lisa M. Diamond, a psychologist at the University of Utah. Diamond interviewed the same 100 women over the course of 10 years about their sexual leanings and reports in her book, Sexual Fluidity, that the traditional model of straight, bisexual, and gay (most often used to define men and boys, the focus of most studies on sexual orientation) doesn't necessarily apply to women.
The upshot? Most of us are capable of being somewhat fluid with our emotions.
Her other discoveries include:

Age is not an issue: "Contrary to the notion that you struggle with your sexuality, come out, embrace your new identity, end of story, the majority of the women I interviewed kept changing their labels over time," says Diamond. While men tend to be less flexible, women unintentionally keep their options open as they get older.

Gender is not an issue: "I have never met a woman over 30 who suddenly experiences same-sex attraction unless it involves a particular woman," says Diamond. A straight woman can experience "just one" same-sex attraction, just as a lesbian can have "just one" opposite-sex attraction, because for women, it's the emotional bond with a particular person that precipitates the attraction in the first place.

One woman Women: "When we talk to girls about sexuality, we talk about it only being appropriate in relationships," says Diamond. "It's not that women don't ever want casual sex, but most of the research suggests that relationships play a more organizing role for women's eroticism than for men's."

It's gonna be OK!: In the past, women who had one or two same-sex attractions were dismissed as crazy, in denial, unable to find a man, or repressed. But Diamond found that occasional attraction to other females is common. Among the women she interviewed, 30 percent claimed a different sexual label since the interview two years before. When the decade was up, two-thirds had changed their sexual identity at least once since her study began.

But not all of us: "Not all women are equally fluid, so the question is why," says Diamond. "That is the question that wakes me up at 3 in the morning."

I'm not new to being bisexual i've been bi for 3 years

I'm not new to being bisexual i've been bi for 3 years now. Its nothing different really than a normal life why let anyone else change it? Your the same person you were before. Your not any different and no one should look at you or make you feel that way. Im here to offer support to anyone who needs it. Just shoot me a message and ill reply once i get on. People are mean and judgemental but thats really just life it wont get any different and it wont change yyou just half to deal with people and learn to ignore them. Honestly if they make you feel like a jerk for what you are then they are jealous that they are courageous enough to say what you have or do what you are doing. They feel incompetant to themselves so they make you feel like you are less than what you are. Everyone is amazing in their own ways they are beautiful and no one can change it. You are what you believe you are. So Just think to yourself I am Me and im proud of that? right? Thats what i try and say every day but most people are like yah right i can't be happy with this going on which i understand. it hurts let yourself heal pick yourself back up off the ground and keep on fighting be proud of who you are because even though im not the most popular person i dont have many friends i am really proud of the person i came to be.

Why Men Pose as Bisexual Women Online

Recent studies of "bisexual women" online prove that on most dating sites and social networking sites many of the women you meet are actually men posing as bi women. (Not BiCupid, where we verify.) In fact, Facebook reports that up to 70% of the bi girls on their site are men!

Why do men do this?

Recent studies, conducted by social research and dating site operators, give us some insight.
It usually has nothing to do with sexual orientation. It has to do with sexual excitement and fantasy.
Being online and anonymous gives you the freedom to do, be, and say anything you want. Think about some of the things you've said to people online. Would you speak that way in real life? Maybe in your case the answer is yes, but many people use their newfound freedom to act in a manner that they wouldn't dare in real life. Some believe that it's okay for you to pretend you're the other sex, or a bisexual woman, to throw people off of your real identity.
Let me give you an example of a man who pretended to be a woman, a lesbian woman, who was found out. The lesbian news site Lez Get Real was the source of a person known as the "Gay Girl from Damascus". This "gay girl" made many posts, blog entries and comments as a lesbian woman. The real name of this "gay girl" is Tom MacMaster, a heterosexual married man in the U.S.
But wait! There's more!

The Face of Biphobia

Bisexual women and men cannot be defined by their partner or potential partner, so are rendered invisible within the heterosexist framework. This invisibility is called biphobia, and is one of the most challenging aspects of a bisexual identity. Living in a society that is based and thrives on opposition, on the reassurances and “balanced” polarities of dichotomy affects how we see the world, and how we negotiate our own, and other peoples lives to fit “reality.”

Most people are unaware of their homosexual or heterosexual assumptions until a bisexual speaks up or comes out and challenges their assumptions. Very often bisexuals are then dismissed, and told they are “confused” and “simply have to make up their mind and choose.” For bisexually identified people to maintain their integrity in a homo-hating heterosexist society they must have a strong sense of self , and the courage and conviction to live their lives in defiance of what passes for “normal.”
So what is the face of Biphobia? Here is a list of the more common expressions of biphobia....
Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or homosexual.
Supporting and understanding a bisexual identity for young people because you identified “that way” before you came to your “real” lesbian/gay/heterosexual identity.

Expecting a bisexual to identify as heterosexual when coupled with the “opposite” gender/sex.
Believing bisexual men spread AIDS/HIV and other STDs to heterosexuals.
Thinking bisexual people haven’t made up their minds.
Assuming a bisexual person would want to fulfill your sexual fantasies or curiosities.
Assuming bisexuals would be willing to “pass” as anything other than bisexual.
Feeling that bisexual people are too outspoken and pushy about their visibility and rights.